Over the past few weeks I have been juggling with thoughts and ideas that make total sense for us and our lifestyle. We both believe in a productive life and are busy with tons of activities all the time. At an age when most of our friends are becoming parents, we definitely needed a critical evaluation of our priorities in life. It is easy to follow the herd, and not too difficult to be a rebel for rebel’s sake, but it does take a lot of brainwork to see the big picture in a neutral perspective, based on the current reality and the roots of societal norms.
So far I find that a simple logic of “no desire to commit my time and resources” is enough to lead a childfree life. This is not an anti-family perspective, rather I would actually love to see only the devoted, committed and patient couples taking up the incredible responsibility of parenting and doing a great job at it.
The primary cause of the herd mentality towards reproduction is pronatalism which is deeply rooted in the motives of a patriarchial society at times of wars and religious expansions. The pronatalist blog explains this very well in a thorough research.
…It defines womanhood as motherhood, thus limiting a woman’s capacity to be fully realized, appreciated and defined by qualities, aspirations, endeavors and accomplishments outside the boundaries of maternity…
The fact that pronatalism persists even today in the face of unsustainable overpopulation can be explained by the following paragraph:
Perhaps this may be explained by thinking about who benefits from a growing population – the government in a larger tax base and potential increase in military power, religions in the potential for increased membership, and mass marketers who rely on and profit from a growing number of consumers to purchase their goods.
The author conducted online interviews of childfree women which is a very informative read as well.
Anyhow, it is good to see that the internet and this information age is helping rational thoughts to come out of the corners and be more ubiquitious to fight with capitalist corporate propagandas. There is nothing more noble than to deliver knowledge to humans so that each of them can make rational choices about their own lives.
Ever wonder how many people will spend hours, days, even months in research before an expensive purchase, but won’t stop to think before bringing another human to this planet ? Because it is automatically justified by media, religion and other assorted tools of pronatalism.
#1 by Chandrima on April 29, 2010 - 4:15 pm
It is absolutely not necessary for adults of today to become parents just because it is an unquestioned and natural path set out there for generations. But as a parent myself and also as a person who loves to live life fully I can only say that the experience of parenting is worth experiencing it. After all we live only once. I have only learned and gained from this natural process and being a parent has made me far more active, better and responsible towards myself, society and the environment.
#2 by therider on May 4, 2010 - 5:51 pm
@Chandrima, I would whole-heartedly agree with your comment. Our planet needs more parents like you who are committed and happy to raise another life. All my recent efforts are nothing but to make it loud and clear that both choices are equally viable in this child-obsessed society. The same way parenting is worth experiencing for some people, childfreedom is a boon for another spectrum of people. There should not be any kind of social stigma for the latter kind, but I guess it will still take a while before common people (especially in India) will start appreciating this as a sensible choice for many.
#3 by Naveen Bachwani on May 20, 2010 - 12:24 am
Great start, Joy!
I fully subscribe to your notion that “people will spend hours, days, even months in research before an expensive purchase, but won’t stop to think before bringing another human to this planet ?”. More people need to think about it consciously before it “happens” to them. And making an informed decision is a great start indeed. But there are two arguments against it, in this case:
1. Behavioural studies indicate that most humans have already decided which course they want to pursue in a matter of seconds (or milliseconds) and then find enough data (pros and cons) to basically support their choice. We both know that you can find enough data to support pretty much any argument!
2. The experience of being a parent is unlike any other. It’s one of the rare things in life where the sum of its parts is not as much as its whole. Hence, any list of Top 100 reasons or likes will not even come close to experiencing the sheer joy of holding a newborn in your hand. Take it from me, I have two of my own.
I’m not saying every one should be a parent. I think they ought to issue valid licenses for parents, frankly. And I do agree that every one should be able to choose their path, irrespective of how society thinks it ought to be done.
But, there’s something magical about being a parent to a child that can make you appreciate Life in all it has to offer…
#4 by therider on May 26, 2010 - 5:06 pm
@Naveen: Great comment !
I agree for many people, children are the best things that happen to their lives. There are lots of emotions involved in the process and there is no argument to say otherwise.
On the other hand, the current harsh reality of the world predicts that the newborns of today will have a much harder life than us. That alone can be a rational reason to step down from parenthood and enjoy life’s other pleasures instead.